i know no one will see this, especially her, so i'll just leave this here for whatever...
 ok, quick backstory... i met the woman i'll call "Gotham City" on a website that was prety simple, "do i look good? rate this picture". long story short. i liked her, like really liked her. what am i saying... like her. present tence. the only problem is... she's kinda getting married in a month or 2. but i'm kind of a terrible person in that i kinda ignored the fact that she had a then boyfriend and i loved her anyway. we'd talk til we just couldnt anymore and we'd legit spend the day texting. from the second we woke up to when we went to sleep. i'd send her a text when i'd to to sleep. (cause i always somehow went to bed last despite being 2 hours ahead of her.) anyway, i'd text her something along the lines of "gives u a hug and a kiss. cause someone as gorgeous as u should always wake up with hugs and kisses" anyway, she gets engaged, i back off, cause i wanted her to have what's best for her. and that wasnt some dork who lived forever away. so we didnt talk much. i was afraid if i talked to her i'd try to charm her out of her marrage and with me.

anyway.. a while ago i got a call from her, she'd been drinking , and apparently she becomes really honest when she's drunk and she told me that she wished it was me she was marrying, not other guy. i wish i could tell u that i was all "that's sweet" and let it go, but i didnt... i still missed her just as much as always. so, i told her that i still loved her just as much as b4, and i told her that i wished that i was marrying her also. i wish i didnt do this, but my brain went into "i still have a chance" mode and ya... she may have been teasing me and i may have encouraged more, maybe to the point to where i was describing some pretty spesific stuff i'd b doing if we were together.. anyway... y im writing this is cause my brain is making he a bit sad... Gotham City was sposed to video chat with me tonight. i was finally gonna b able to see her after forever and she was going to the bar b4 hand too, so she'd b drunk and as face to face as we could b. anyway, she had to cancel, and my tired, sleep starved brain is telling me that i wont get to talk to her for a long time... it makes me sad cause i want to b able to see her face. i want to beable to see her smile and everything, but im a good man... i dont want to have her hurt when she gets married to other guy and i'm off to the side still wanting to kiss her :/

anyway. that's me typing more stuff i shoudlnt, so i can hide it here for who knows how long until i findmyself here again. bye for now